An old rebellious soul

I'm an old soul. An old, and rebellious soul.

Contradictory? Agreed.

The minute that someone tells me I should be a certain way, I go the opposite. And I know that as an adult I should have outgrown this by now, but I have realized its not something I can ever grow out.

It's who I am.

I question everything, I over analyze, and I'll try anything once. I have to know everything for myself....Its kind of like I took Lavar Burton's quote from then end to Reading Rainbow, to "don't take my word for it" too literally, and I have to figure out things in my own way in my own space.

But, I'm deeply connected to my "inner me" at the same time. I don't show it to people often, but its there. And I trust it more than I trust you to be quite blunt.

...And my inner me is a really old lady, I think.

haha

I'm not a product of the times. I almost hate technology---I hate the instant accessibility that an IPhone brings. I hate being at a dinner table and everyone is head down in their own cyber-world. But more than that, I hate that I follow suit. I follow most of the time cause I'm like "what the hell is everyone looking at? I better check..." So, I whip out my phone and check, too.

Then I see this:



And it rings true to me. Its exactly how I feel. All my old lady self wants is to connect with people. I don't want to know about you so that I can then go gossip and spew all your information out in a twisted way...I just want to hear because I honestly like to know. I learn from you...you learn from me. And I don't ever want to fix anybody, because there is something beautiful that happens when you break down in front of someone and the other person is just there for you, not giving you instructions on how to not feel what you're feeling, don't you agree?




Written by the wonderful Weslie Christensen 

Things..

Sorry I haven't wrote in a while. Life has been a complete blur the past couple months. It's been going 90 miles a minute and I can barely keep up. Promise to catch up soon.

Tonight I just want to write a brief memory I will have to remember when I'm old, gray, and senile. It happens often but tonight I just realized how super lucky and blessed I am to have the family I do. All this great feeling overwhelmed me when my mother & I, both too tired to get off the couch to go to bed, finally get up around 11:15 to head to dream land, but realize we still need to put the food away from dinner & make my dad & brothers lunch (they leave to work around 3:15 so any good daughter/sister would be happy to make their lunch) & instead we decide to chow down on chips & el pato instead. Favorite memories. I love my Lil life an my lucky Lil memories. Oh ps my dads electric fence shocked the crap outta me tonight too. My Dadski thinks it's funny, of course. 26 with no home living anywhere I have a bed & roof, just so happens to be with my parents right now & tonight I feel lucky to be living with them. But just tonight.


Ta ta loves.
Rach

Hey how about a Lil me time...

I noticed in my few blog posts I have written they are the majority about Mike, I think I write a lot about him because of the obvious reason (him being so great) but I think my main reason being is I don't get to talk about him a whole lot in person, people tend to get uncomfortable real quick when I bring him up. They get this awkward look on their face, give me the tilted head smile/nod, and then change the subject. I don't want people's sympathy anymore, I have grown past that stage, not that i ever wanted it, but it did help...it doesn't help anymore. I accept the challenge God has put in my life, it has made me an incredibly strong woman, and I am somehow grateful for it, I just simply want to talk about Mike, he was so incredibly great, hilarious, crazy ass, good lookin, a one of a kind guy which led to so many great stories....it's not that I want to live in the past, but hey my past was pretty great, it's just nice to reminisce on a great man and an even greater love.

So please if I ever bring Mike up, just listen, ask about him, I love to get questions about him & be reminded of him. some of my memories are starting to fade and so to be asked questions that trigger a memory is one of the greatest gifts you could give me.....

Oh hey guess what my intent was for this post, to talk about me, my great life and to get to know me a little better. Yet once again it led to Mike....so as I dictate away from him I lead you to me.

1. My mind goes a million miles a minute
2. I love my family, I literally think I have the closest, best family in the world.
4. I grew up on a ranch right smack dab on the state line of Az/NM near springerville.
5. I have a younger brother & sister that mean more to me than anything in the world, I would literally die for them.
6. My parents have been married for 28 years this April, there love continues to get stronger daily, they inspire me & I hope to share a love like that someday with someone.
7. I am catholic and very proud of it.
8. My catholic name is Sebastian.
9. My life for the last 18 or so years has been revolved around sports...volleyball, softball, and football.
10. I played college volleyball & softball, every single one of my boyfriends have played collegiate football, and the last three years I have helped put on a coed softball tournament for Mikes foundation, I have coached teenage & college girls in volleyball & was recently offered a full time high school coaching position, but declined....I have decided to take a temporary break from sports and see if life leads me in a new direction.
11. The only people I care in this life to impress are my grandma Barbara and grandpa Phil, I try daily to be better people for them. There's no two other people I look up to more.
12. I tickle my arms in my sleep. It is how my dad used to put me to sleep.
13. One day I hope to have my own western line.
14. I have been blessed with so many wonderful friendships its unreal, I thank God daily for all the wonderful friends he has brought into my life.
15. When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread at my ranch.
16. I love when people tell me songs they heard that reminded them of me....one of my favorite things ever.
17. I am a blonde headed, left handed writing, Spanish faced woman.
18. I wish I was wittier.
19. I have had skin cancer which has lead to really awesome scars across my body which has lead to me makin up way cooler stories like a gang fight stab wounds & a chainsaw accident.
20. I could survive off chocolate and cheese if my ass didn't grow one way and my stomach the other.
21. I have a serious, SERIOUS boot obsession.
22. I like simple, the best date anyone could ever take me on would be a bottle of wine, a long drive with a small fire next to the lake, Laying in the bed of a truck looking at the stars. That would be ideal.
23. I don't like diamonds. Really. I would rather have turquoise.
24. I fall asleep to legends of the fall nightly.
25. The scripture Genesis 29:17 is the best scripture ever (check it)
26. I want to travel far and wide but mainly in America. I love this country.

That's enough for today..... I'm off to watch the 10 commandments with my grandmother. Happy Easter.