Hey how about a Lil me time...

I noticed in my few blog posts I have written they are the majority about Mike, I think I write a lot about him because of the obvious reason (him being so great) but I think my main reason being is I don't get to talk about him a whole lot in person, people tend to get uncomfortable real quick when I bring him up. They get this awkward look on their face, give me the tilted head smile/nod, and then change the subject. I don't want people's sympathy anymore, I have grown past that stage, not that i ever wanted it, but it did help...it doesn't help anymore. I accept the challenge God has put in my life, it has made me an incredibly strong woman, and I am somehow grateful for it, I just simply want to talk about Mike, he was so incredibly great, hilarious, crazy ass, good lookin, a one of a kind guy which led to so many great stories....it's not that I want to live in the past, but hey my past was pretty great, it's just nice to reminisce on a great man and an even greater love.

So please if I ever bring Mike up, just listen, ask about him, I love to get questions about him & be reminded of him. some of my memories are starting to fade and so to be asked questions that trigger a memory is one of the greatest gifts you could give me.....

Oh hey guess what my intent was for this post, to talk about me, my great life and to get to know me a little better. Yet once again it led to Mike....so as I dictate away from him I lead you to me.

1. My mind goes a million miles a minute
2. I love my family, I literally think I have the closest, best family in the world.
4. I grew up on a ranch right smack dab on the state line of Az/NM near springerville.
5. I have a younger brother & sister that mean more to me than anything in the world, I would literally die for them.
6. My parents have been married for 28 years this April, there love continues to get stronger daily, they inspire me & I hope to share a love like that someday with someone.
7. I am catholic and very proud of it.
8. My catholic name is Sebastian.
9. My life for the last 18 or so years has been revolved around sports...volleyball, softball, and football.
10. I played college volleyball & softball, every single one of my boyfriends have played collegiate football, and the last three years I have helped put on a coed softball tournament for Mikes foundation, I have coached teenage & college girls in volleyball & was recently offered a full time high school coaching position, but declined....I have decided to take a temporary break from sports and see if life leads me in a new direction.
11. The only people I care in this life to impress are my grandma Barbara and grandpa Phil, I try daily to be better people for them. There's no two other people I look up to more.
12. I tickle my arms in my sleep. It is how my dad used to put me to sleep.
13. One day I hope to have my own western line.
14. I have been blessed with so many wonderful friendships its unreal, I thank God daily for all the wonderful friends he has brought into my life.
15. When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread at my ranch.
16. I love when people tell me songs they heard that reminded them of me....one of my favorite things ever.
17. I am a blonde headed, left handed writing, Spanish faced woman.
18. I wish I was wittier.
19. I have had skin cancer which has lead to really awesome scars across my body which has lead to me makin up way cooler stories like a gang fight stab wounds & a chainsaw accident.
20. I could survive off chocolate and cheese if my ass didn't grow one way and my stomach the other.
21. I have a serious, SERIOUS boot obsession.
22. I like simple, the best date anyone could ever take me on would be a bottle of wine, a long drive with a small fire next to the lake, Laying in the bed of a truck looking at the stars. That would be ideal.
23. I don't like diamonds. Really. I would rather have turquoise.
24. I fall asleep to legends of the fall nightly.
25. The scripture Genesis 29:17 is the best scripture ever (check it)
26. I want to travel far and wide but mainly in America. I love this country.

That's enough for today..... I'm off to watch the 10 commandments with my grandmother. Happy Easter.

Saturday night blessings

As I lay here another lonely Saturday night by myself in my bed I can't help but feel grateful tonight....

Most lonely nights I feel bitter & spiteful that so many young people are with loved ones, or on first dates & so on....I usually don't understand why I have to be so lonely, why God took Mike from my grips, why he needed him more then I. I question it a lot.

Tonight is not one of those nights, tonight I sat down on my computer and went thru all my pictures, I usually cry my eyes out but for some reason tonight it was just a grateful cry. I sat and recollected on all the memories I was able to have with Mike, the goofy love we had, he was he & I was I, which made us we.....we were the same soul just split into two bodies.

People frequently told us that I was the girl version of him, & he the boy version of me. From the beginning we never tried to impress one another & I think that's what made us fall so much quicker and harder because we were us and we loved who the other person was.

Two weeks after we had went on our first date Mike told me he loved me, we had people we had never met asking us on week three how long we had been in love, and when we told them that we had barely started dating it usually surprised people, they said we looked like old souls who have been married for years.

You could see from the beginning how strong, sweet, beautiful, and indescribable our love for each other was, it was a once in a lifetime thing. Though it was a quick and short ride, I know with out a doubt it was the greatest blessing to ever come into my life. Mike showed me so much in so little time, he showed me what love felt like, how to laugh until I peed, how to live like there's no tomorrow, to be friendly, caring, helpful, goofy & myself. He brought the true girl I am out. He made me, me.

Mike was so incredible and so loved & I was reminded tonight when looking thru his funeral pictures, that whole period of time is a complete blur to me so to see all the people who came out and were there for me is amazing. Thousands of people. I could never say thank you enough! So as I look back at our pictures tonight I smile because I was so blessed to have had Michael Tyler Barr in my life, I love him more then any one soul could love another.

Thank you for blessing me with your love Meesk. I can't wait to see you again...